“I’D NEVER MARRY A WHITE WOMAN”
By: Sinenhlanhla Mthembu
Do you know comedians who are not practising comedy, but use social media to occasionally share some humour?
Sifiso Sibiya, who has over 3 600 followers, is one guy who has left social media site Facebook users buzzing with laughter, and sometimes discomfort.
His statuses range from intense criticism like, “I never understand a person who buys an old model Mazda with extras. Why include a panoramic roof? Why not wait and save that money to buy a proper car,” to more run-of-the-mill updates such as, “Just did 1hour 20minutes of spinning at the gym. Feeling so good.”
Sibiya who is also known as “Monate” – a Tshwana name short for “Monate Fela”, “Monate” meaning “Good Times” and “Fela” meaning “Only”. Good times are guaranteed with this jovial character, whether it’s through reading his hilarious status updates, or just hanging with him on a personal level.
The 30-something-year old businessman is as witty as they come. You’d think he’s a professional comedian who hosts and produces comedy shows on a daily basis, but he’s just a simple guy, who owns and runs Intobeko Development Projects, a property development and construction company.
His quirky, often deliciously warped sense of humour constantly tickles his friends.
“I know Sifiso personally. We’ve been friends since high school, where he was given the name “Monate Fela”. I find myself giggling on my own when I read his status updates,” said Zamo Ziqubu, a childhood friend of Sibiya.
This humour also keeps people who don’t know Sibiya, laughing at things that many people are afraid of or offended by.
Nomthunzi Magida, a Facebook friend of Sibiya said that she doesn’t know him personally, but his status updates make her laugh. She added, however, that she doesn’t agree with some of Sibiya’s posts.
Sibiya writes about daily events and happenings. He writes about what goes on around him, what he sees, watches or hears.
“I see humour in almost everything and everywhere. That’s just how I see life,” he said.
“Dr Mamphela Ramphele announced today that she is changing her name to Dr Ngoxolo Ramphele. Why? because we don’t care. Even if she changed it to Dr Ngodlame Ramphele we still wouldn’t vote for your retarded ass. You are old and confused,” posted Sibiya on his Facebook wall.
Sibiya, who has recently become a gym fanatic, says he is not afraid to speak his mind.
“I’m the same guy in real life as I am on Facebook. I just say it like it is. You can call me up in the middle of the night and ask me to repeat what I wrote on Facebook – I’ll say it again without thinking twice,” said the humourist.
Sibiya says he doesn’t find himself funny enough to become a professional comedian. His fanatics sing a different tune.
“The first thing I do when I log into Facebook, I go to Sifiso’s wall. Yes, I do this before I even check my messages or own wall. I always know his wall will cheer me up. He turns my bad days to good days, and my good days to awesomeness,” said Nompza Hlongwane, one of Sibiya’s fanatics.
Sibiya says he follows comedians like Eugene Khoza and John Vlismas. He also likes Trevor Noah but doesn’t like his material which he describes as “too clean”.
Every funny man has a diverse following- those that agree and those that don’t agree with his opinions. Sibiya’s posts are not for the faint-hearted because some posts may come across as shocking and offensive.
“I would never marry a white woman, they just up and leave just like that! Reason – oh I just want to go find myself, travel, go hiking, mountain climbing and bungy jumping. Rather my own Zulu women. They tell you straight in the face – ngiyophuma ngebhokisi lay’khaya (I will leave when I die). And then my UKZN girls tell you – ngiyophuma ne doggy bag owangi charmer ngayo ungishela (I will leave with the doggy bag you charmed me with the day you asked me out),” Sibiya posted.
Sibiya receives innumerable messages from people he knows and people he doesn’t know, appreciating him for the things he writes about.
Could this following he has accrued result in Sibiya finding himself in comedy full time? Who knows?
“If there’s a show called “Nyan Nyan” on our TV screens, surely I can have my own show. My content and delivery is far more entertaining than that show. No offense to the producers, but yes, I’m better than that.’’