BAD BOYS STAY WINNING
By: Khwaza Mbasa
Have you ever wondered what girls like about bad boys? What is it about bad a boy that is so appealing that girls cannot resist?
Bad boys have a very bad reputation but with all the negatives women still flock to them. Bad boys are the reasons shows and books like vampire diaries have been so popular. What are the real motivators for women to have such desire to have a bad boy in their lives?
“Bad boys aint no good, good boys aint no fun,” Mary J Blidge says in her song entitled Mr Wrong. On social networks you find pages like the diary of uMakhwepheni, Diary of a side a chick and confessions of a sugar baby. These are girls out there who have no problem dating older men, married men and men that are involved with other people.
But wait; what is a bad boy, what defines a bad boy? Psychiatrist Anjali Chhabria said on the Askmen dating site “bad boys typically are males that live on their own terms. They are involved in excessive drinking, smoking, gambling, betting, they could be players, womanisers and cheaters.”
Chhibria believes that these men are perceived as powerful, dependent, charismatic and feared. These qualities make a man desirable and attractive in women eyes. Some women are said to like a little bit of danger and excitement.
So, the danger and excitement attract women but why are they so appealing? Chhabria thinks that it is a lot of factors that attract a woman. She says, “Apart from providing false sense of security, the above qualities are more attracting to the opposite sex because of the way they carry themselves. They tend to be more physically appealing showing off their tattoos, piercing, dressing differently carrying themselves with the ‘I don’t care attitude, appearing ‘cool’ something that the regular guys find hard to compete with.”
There are many contributing factors to this, some women like feeling good about themselves and some lack confidence. Varkha Chulani, a clinical psychologist and psychiatrist, said on the Askmen dating site, “Some women feel they are not worth much and believe the only man that can ever get her is the bad one. They think so poorly of themselves that they do not think that anyone ‘good’ could fall in love with them.”
Zama Mbatha who is a student says that it is not all about the physical qualities. “When you [are] dating a bad boy what you see is what you get, there are no surprises, you got in this knowing exactly what or who he is,” she said. “When he cheats, you [are] not surprised because he cheated with you anyway,” she added.
Sometimes it is the woman’s upbringing that has an effect on this. Carole Lieberman author of Bad Boys: How we love Them, How to Live with Them, When to Leave Them, says in her book, “The main reason women are attracted to bad boys is because of the relationship they had with their fathers when they were little girls , that made them feel unlovable, not good enough to attract a prince. So they end up kissing a lot of frogs.”
Bad boys must really be attractive even our socialists and celebrity stay with bad boys. Bonang Matheba who is South Africa’s “It girl” was beaten by her boyfriend Themba Mbongeni Nkosi who is also known as DJ Euphonik , they took the matter to court but later they got back together.
Minenhle Dlamini also broke up with her soccer star boyfriend Itumeleng Khune because there were rumours that he cheated on her but later they also got back together. The two are not the only ones who have this tendency; there are many other South African celebrities who do this.
If you thought only South African celebrities do this, you are wrong. The Barbadian singer Rihanna was badly beaten by singer Chris Brown in 2009 which caused a lot of media buzz. There were court cases and restraining orders but three years later, she went back to him and he was not hiding the fact that he was involved with another person.
The sex might be good, the weed might be good, the security might be there, you might be feeling good about yourself and you might be on cloud nine but women need to weigh their choices and think about the long term effect of this. Think about the future. Don’t you want to be with someone who deserves you, who actually has a future, someone who will wife you and take care of you and your kids?